Thursday night: Gay Male Friend lets me sleep on his futon

Gay Male Friend: Okay, so here’s your futon, and I’ve put out two different blankets in case you get cold, and there are three pillows but let me know if you want more, and there’s a towel in the bathroom on the door you can use, and in the morning I’ll make breakfast!
Me: You don’t have to make me breakfast…
Gay Male Friend: I know I don’t have to, but I want to!

Morning rolls around…

Gay Male Friend: What do you want to drink? I have orange juice, apple juice, milk –
Me: Uh, apple juice would be great.
Gay Male Friend: Oh, and this is my awesome pancake recipe, I hope you like it.
Me: …You’re making pancakes from scratch?
Gay Male Friend: Of course!
Me: …None of my straight male friends are going to do this.

Friday night: Straight Male Friend 1 lets me sleep on couch

Straight Male Friend 1: So, uh, here’s the couch. Let me go get a blanket.
Me: Uh, do you possibly have a towel I could use in the morning?
Straight Male Friend 1: Oh, sure *gets one*
Me: *…tries not to think where the towel has been*
Straight Male Friend 1: I don’t have much to offer for breakfast. I live off a diet of rice and beans.
Me: *laughs*
Straight Male Friend 1: No, I’m serious.
Me:

Saturday night: Straight Male Friend 2 lets me sleep on couch

Me: …Uh, so can I have a blanket?
Straight Male Friend 2: Oh, sure, yeah *gets one*. Okay, good night!
Me: …There’s no pillow… gah… *uses cushion from other couch as emergency pillow*

After this, explaining this trend to Gay Male Friend 2

Me: And Gay Male Friend 1 even made me pancakes!
Gay Male Friend 2: Wait, from a box or from scratch?
Me: From scratch!
Gay Male Friend 2: Oh, good, I make them from scratch too.
Me: Goddamnit, why are all the good ones gay?