My night:

  • Went to Mark’s house. It was just us and another old high school friend, since everyone else had either left for vacation in Florida or was partying it up in Chicago.
  • Beat his 8 year old brother in Mario Kart. Barely. Parents whisked him away before I could be embarrassed.
  • Ate way too much spinach and artichoke dip, yet didn’t imbibe a single drop of alcohol. Mono, I shake my fist at you. Ah well.
  • Roommate (who was in another town) texted me asking me what dead baby jokes I could remember. I love my roommate. I also love that she would turn to me for help in such an area.
  • Watched three hours of The Next Food Network Star. Developed an idea for a new show, Bobby Flay Goes Apeshit. All you have to do is use the outtakes from one of his billion shows, add some explosions and lasers shooting out of his eyes, and you have a fucking masterpiece. Seriously, were we the only people who noticed how he looks like he’s about to absolutely flip out in disappointment before the camera cuts away? I can fill in the gaps. “Capers? Where…are…the CAPERS?! ARHRFHGHG!! *rips of shirt and grills the failing contestant*”
  • Tuned into Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper right before the ball dropped in New York. Oh my god, I wish we would have tuned in sooner. I love both of them separate, but together it’s just pure genius. I’m amazed at Kathy’s sheer willpower to not swear for all of those hours, but she was still being horrendously inappropriate for the program, and watching Anderson squirm awkwardly was amazing. “I just did some blow!” “No, no she did not. *frantic look*” Or when she asked Anderson what his safe word was? Also, Anderson Cooper getting hit on by a drag queen made my year (the 45 minutes left of it at the time). And the fact that Lance Bass was randomly reporting too – Could CNN get any gayer? Win.
  • Then we tuned into to the local Chicago news for our count down. Good god, Chicagoans look like the saddest bunch of people compared to New Yorkers. New York was a huge party, Chicago was a bunch of middle aged people sitting at tables eating, listening to crappy bands, and falling asleep. Every year the highlight is watching ABC 7’s Mark Giangreco and Janet Davies announce as they get progressively tipsier and tipsier. It always ends with Mark constantly making off color jokes and vaguely hitting on Janet. I was not disappointed.
  • It turned midnight. Yay. 2010.
  • We watched the South Park movie. Mark’s parents and 8 year old brother decided to come home right when Kenny was going to heaven and seeing a bunch of boobs, and then going to hell and seeing blood and gore. Oh, and don’t forget the constant swearing. It amuses me how things can become awkward so quickly given the audience.
  • Watched the same Girls Gone Wild commercial probably 20 times. Was it really necessary to include that one commercial during every break, sometimes two times per break? Could they have at least mixed it up a little so we could see a different drunk girl’s boobs jiggling across the screen?
  • Drove home, put on pajamas, and wrote this blog post because I can’t fall asleep. …Wait, now I’m getting meta. Time to stop.

How’d you spend your New Years Eve?