To all the people who’ve made fun of me for never learning how to ride a bike*: Suck it.

Hmmm, why do I have a feeling this will just bring me more mockery?

*Yes, really. Yes, I tried. I have no sense of balance and was never interested enough to put forth the extra effort. My family gave up trying to teach me when I outgrew my bike. My dad would taunt me that I would be the first person to get their driver’s license before learning to ride a bike, in hopes that it would guilt me into learning. I thought this was amusing, so that’s what I did.