Ever since the Society of Non-Theists got an official mailbox at Purdue, we’ve gotten mail from fundies. We’ve been subscribed to a couple of Christian magazines, and this guy from Kentucky keeps sending us bizarre pamphlets, including one about how loving Jesus will somehow save you from Alzheimer’s (might save that for another post). I have to admit, I get really excited whenever I see a new letter in the mail, wondering what new crazy thing I’m about to read. After the long winter break, I checked our mailbox and was very happy to find a new one!
You know it’s going to be good when this is the first thing you see:The inside of the pamphlet is pretty boring compared to the Emo Jesus guilt trip on the cover. It’s just a bunch of Bible quotes about why Jesus is so awesome and you should accept him into your heart, yadda yadda. This would be a pretty typical, boring type of evangelism if it weren’t for the back cover, which made me laugh:Hmmm, I’m not sure which one to choose! This is way too tough. I wish I would have been given some sort of guidance. I am just a simple heathen, after all.
The whole thing cracks me up. The extensive highlighting and written instructions (as if I couldn’t get the point from one or the other); the idea that they think simply telling me which one is the right choice will make me realize the error in my ways; the even more ludicrous idea that making a simple check mark on a piece of paper has any real meaning; or the mysterious use of white out. Did they accidentally write to choose the unhighlighted one or something?Sorry, Jesus. Guess I don’t follow directions well.
Hmm, I wonder if that check mark applied to the club as a whole? Whoops, I guess I just damned almost 400 people to hell. Oh well, the more the merrier!
UPDATE: Apparently the white out was used to hide the address of the sender. But with a little sleuthing (aka a flashlight and the internet) I’ve found our sender: Fellowship Tract League. Here’s a PDF of the tract from their site. Wonder why they didn’t want me to know who they were? Somewhat tempted to send it back.