As a poor college student, I cook by the “What’s about to expire and what can I make out of it?” method. This week the ingredients were cream cheese and an unused container of cool whip. Time for a delicious peanut butter pie, I thought! I had the peanut butter, but I went to the store for the pie crust and some chocolate sauce. I’ve made this recipe before, and it’s sooo delicious. I anxiously waited for it to solidify in the fridge before I snarfed down a (delicious) piece.

I’m pretty sure I just gave myself food poisoning.

Why would I come to that conclusion? Well, an hour later experiencing violent stomach pain resulting to running to the bathroom and being very sad (I’ll spare you the details) were my main hints. I was a bit confused, since most of my ingredients were still a month away from the expiration date. That was, until I looked at the cool whip container.

Um…apparently it was supposed to be frozen this whole time. Not in the fridge. For like four months. My mind kind of didn’t make the connection that it’s a dairy product, since it seems more like a fake plastic filling thing than real food.

Well, that’s my hypothesis at least. Being the scientist (and masochist) I am, I’ll probably eat another slice tomorrow to see if it was just a fluke, or if I really am killing myself. Because the pie is just that fucking good that I will suffer through my stomach exploding for another piece.

Insert normal person vs. scientist comic here. Sigh.