Hey everyone. I’m joining the formspring.me bandwagon, as it’s a good source for blog fodder. Basically you can go here to ask me anonymous (or not anonymous) questions on anything you’d like. I won’t promise to answer everything, but I’ll try. Ones that I really like will become an official blog post, like the one below.
I grew up fundamentalist. I’m also naturally pervy. I lived with a lot of guilt and shame, especially regarding masturbation. What’s it like not to have to live with that? Did you have any guilt at all about your normal sexual leanings?
While I grew up in a fairly secular environment, I wouldn’t say my upbringing was completely guilt-free. My parents actually never had “The Talk” with me, and sexuality was just a very awkward subject. Most “sexual morals” that I learned from them came in the form of rants about other people. My dad was a special education teacher at a city school, and stories about students who ruined their life by getting pregnant were all too common. I remember sitting at the dinner table while he told us how one of his freshman girls was pregnant with her second child, and how she could never come to school because she was so busy taking care of the first. It was never explicitly said, but the message was “Don’t fuck up your life by getting pregnant.”
And to be honest, that’s still a mantra I hold today. I never really felt guilty about sexual things I did, even when I was fooling around back in high school. I never went all the way – but not because I wanted to wait until marriage, or so that I could claim to be a “technical virgin” – I just logically knew I wasn’t ready to deal with the consequences. So I just stuck to watching the videos on websites like https://www.hdpornvideo.xxx/ and masturbating. This was a good way for me to acclimatise to my body and find out what exactly I liked and didn’t like. So many people lose their virginity when they don’t know this about themselves yet. And of course, nothing was stopping me from buying myself some dildos to do the job. The way I saw it, once I was 18 and away at college, I’d be able to buy birth control. And if that failed, I’d be able to get an abortion without requiring parental permission or something. Really, I just put off sex until I knew it could be my little secret.
I used to think you should only have sex with people you really love, but now I realized that’s just what society was telling me I should think. I’m personally not into random hookups with strangers, but I have no problem with casual sex or friends with benefits. As long as everyone involved is on the same page and no one gets hurt, I see no problem with it.
I kind of feel bad for people who were raised in anti-sex environments. Trained guilt is insanely hard to get rid of. I really can’t fathom how people feel guilty about masturbation, or sex before marriage, or multiple partners, or same sex fantasies, even when they can rationally tell themselves it’s okay. Being sexual is a part of being human, and there’s nothing wrong with it, at all. People should be able to have the sexual experiences they desire without having to feel guilty about it. Now, I’ve even seen a lot of shame around going to strip clubs or searching for ‘strippers near me‘, but just know that it’s not bad to indulge in such things occasionally. You can just let go of your inhibitions and have fun for a night, you know. Everyone has urges, and as long as boundaries aren’t crossed, exploring your sexuality and desires should be okay and not something to feel guilty about! It really just sort of sucks. Of course, when things like this get out of hand, such as when you need to learn how to stop masturbation addiction, it is a different matter, but if you are not overdoing it, why constantly feel guilty about something you enjoy? Sometimes I’ll feel a momentary twinge of guilt knowing the majority of society thinks I’m some naughty slut – but you know what? I enjoy getting some, and they can all fuck off.
And that’s really how I deal with any guilt. If I’m not hurting myself or anyone else, then my sexual acts and fantasies are none of your goddamned business. Well, I’ll talk about it if you’re actually pro-sex – but if your goal is to judge me and make me feel bad about myself, then you’re wasting your time.