By now you certainly know the Rapture is scheduled for May 21st. I hope all of you godless heathens have found a bomb shelter and stored some bottles of water in preparation for the destruction that’s about to wrack the earth – because let’s face us, none of us are getting into heaven.
“While the world is tortured in this terrible Apocalypse, who better to help the world than atheists? Elite squads of godless heathens, who already live all over the Puget Sound, will help bring people out of the rubble and rebuild their lives. The Post-Apocalyptic Pony Express will help restore communication service by carrying letters across the tattered remains of civilization, giving humanity hope with the sight of the cutest ponies money can buy.
Of course, it’s always possible that these religious zealots are wasting enormous amounts of money, time and life with a gigantic fearmongering campaign. It’s happened before. On the off chance that they are completely wrong, Jesus doesn’t come back, and life continues as normal, we will do our part to help the next generation avoid getting into this heartbreaking situation themselves.
If there is a universe left after all this, Camp Quest West, which teaches children critical thinking and science, will receive a check. Why, you ask? Because when children know how to think for themselves, they don’t get taken in by every terrible idea that comes across their desk.”
Isn’t this a fabulous idea? Though I have to admit, now I’m kind of hoping the Rapture does happen, if it means getting my own pony.
You can donate here. Buy Jen a pony if the rapture happens, help freethinking children if it doesn’t. It’s a win-win situation!