It’s jarring traveling from Seattle to middle-of-nowhere Florida. Here the lawns are overflowing with signs proclaiming “Jesus is the reason for the season” and “Happy Birthday” Jesus. Sure, it’s their lawn. They can put up as much kitschy Christmas shit as they want. But frankly, it pisses me off for two main reasons.

1. They are blatantly wrong. This might seem petty to some, but the pursuit of truth is important to my ethics. No (EDIT: sane and unbiased) historian believes that Jesus was born in winter, let alone exactly on December 25th. The only reason we celebrate December 25th for Christmas is because Christianity was made the state religion of Rome in the 4th century, and the Pope co-opted pagan holidays that fell around that date in order to more efficiently convert the masses. The solstice was celebrated because that’s when the days started growing longer again, which meant spring (and crops) were eventually coming. That’s reason to celebrate, not because an old guy in a dumb hat is trying to convert people.

2. This isn’t just blinking lights or “Merry Christmas.” This isn’t wishing goodwill and cheer and joy to all. This is a “My holiday is the real reason we celebrate anything this season, my religion is better than yours, fuck your inferior Hanukkah and Kwanza and secular celebrations.” How fucking arrogant. Your mythological holiday isn’t superior. Go shove your “Jesus is the reason for the season” signs up your ass.

…I miss Seattle.